Am I that SHIT a girlfriend?

Nothing really. For five days. Monday, I had singing, fair enough, didn't really see him. Tuesday, he had a day with his friends. I went out but he barely talked to me. Wednesday, I went to see my granny in hospital. Thursday, I went to see him and he told me to go away. Our ten month anniversary. He barely spoke to me again, until his friend started talking to his girlfriend. Today: I'll see you at lunch, I can't, I'll pick you up from school, actually I'll meet you at the surgery. You know what, I can't come out til 5, no...6. I have to see my social worker. I'll message you at 6, don't worry.

Six o'clock came. Seven pm. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Nothing. I hate him. I'm humiliated. I walked around for two hours on my own. I felt like shit. I am shit. I can't find words anymore because words have no use. I am good only for sex.

On the rare occasion that he does want me, I'm busy. I am so fucking upset at the moment that I can't really function when noone else is around. I've been upstairs for five minutes and I'm already CRYING. I'm a fucking waste of space. Don't anyone try and tell me I'm not. I just want to steal my parent's alcohol and drink drink drink. I don't want to think anymore.

He's a fucking nightmare sometimes but I love him too much and I wish I didn't. HE HURTS ME. I WANT TO FUCKING BE THIN. I WANT TO BE THIN.