Friday, 23 September 2011

Let's be honest.

I'm just not that honest.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

That effortlessness, the easiness? I want that perfection.
And yeah, there are flaws in every one of us, but sometimes
the flaws are the perfection in you, and I want that. The
perfect flaw, it couldn't have been any other flaw because it
makes you, like a need to drink tea, or a hole in your tights.
Perfection is so very, very beautiful.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Wow, you're lucky...two in a day :)

Tried to eat scrambled egg before, but I threw it up. Almost had pasta, but just said no. I feel like I can't eat anything at the moment...I'm just not in the mood. Or, I want to eat, but I just can't, that's really what it feels like. It's lovely :)

115, going dooooown.

Lily xx
I've lost 5 pounds in 5 days...3 days on a liquid fast :D VERY happy indeed. Just another 25 to go until I'm at my GW of 90 :D

Friday, 9 September 2011

I don't feel like eating

I don't want to eat anymore. Is that okay with you?
I want to stop and be thin for my boyfriend. I want to be thin for my own mind. It's broken.
It's time to be thin, ladies and gentlemen, so let the fun begin.

Saturday, 27 August 2011

I loved a boy,
With a golden glow and
A broken soul.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Summer diet has started

SORRY! you know why...
I am :/

Anyway, summer diet has started...let's drop 10 pounds before Corfuuuu!!!!



Sunday, 19 June 2011

Long Time

Exams done..writing a massive essay for a psychology competition at stuff...
Exhausted. Trying to keep up with everything else, run down, tired.
Concerned about J. My J, new J. JG. We don't really talk, we
And keep living. If something happens, we don't talk, we just live and keep going.
Got big decisions to make. Which uni, which course, which town.
What job, what house, what life? How many children and what type of dog.
Seems too much for a 16 year old.
They want me to pick a uni when I can't even legally drink, or place a bet.
Well I'm gambling with my life aren't I? I need something to wash it down with.
And J, well, I love him.
But not enough, because it's never enough.
And I'm always running to someone else.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011


It's been a little while!! I'm generally okay, stressed out from college a little, it seems like there's so much to do before the June exams (which, for the record, should be called MAY exams...). I'm struggling with my weight, which seems to be a regular thing if I'm honest, especially when I get a new boyfriend (he's lovely....another J.....ummm....pattern? Lets call him JG this time :|)

Everything seems to be going so fast...I feel like I've lost the friends I talked to on here a bit, need to start commenting back to people more!!!! I can't remember if I told you about my other blog, that discusses general issues, nothing about EDs or mental health on there though..... it'stoujoursbienthoughts if anyone's interested?
So yes, that's the brief update, hope everyone's okay, I'll try and catch up with blogs soon!!!!

Lily xx

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Haven't got long

I'm on the train up from London, only 15 mins of free wifi. Been to an English language conference, then shopping, eaten 5 or 6 maryland cookies, and a tiny salad thing from pizza express, good. So tired, I was up at 6 this morning... Make me thinner, pretty please. Xxx

Lily x

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Eat less

I've been so stupid, eating normally. I thought I'd be fine, healthy even...
But I'm not. I'm fat. Fatter than I've ever been. at 117lbs this morning...I know. Disgusting.
I'm disgusting. I want to stop. Please, someone help me. I want to stop.
I'm going to be thin, okay?

Saturday, 12 March 2011


I threw up for the first time in a long time today, and it felt good. I just wanted to keep going, till all the fat inside me was out. I'm losing myself again, and I don't seem to mind...

Lily x

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Dear Blog

How I've missed you. I have a new blog now too, but old blog, I love you most. You are where I am, really, inside. You are where I'm honest, rather than intelligent.

Hello again, wonder if there's anyone left?
Let me know xxx

Sunday, 30 January 2011

Isn't it funny?

These days are pleasant. They take my mind of what I know is under my skin somewhere, hiding, waiting to come out again when I get to the best point of my life.
I can almost taste it.
I've missed this, being allowed to be crazy, or you know, just honest? I've missed writing to you.
Whoever you are, when all I see is silence.
I'm sorry for clogging your blogrolls, I don't think I'll be home for a while again. Lets say goodbye and go on with life, as if we never spoke.
As if we never existed. It happens all the time, a blogger disappears, and noone asks why.
Or maybe they disappeared because noone ever asks why.
Mmmm. I have a whole life, I know my illness won't disappear. But I can hide it again. I have a new chance.

I don't believe in 'well'. Get better, tell everyone you know with an eating disorder: 'get better'
There's no such things as well, it's always there now.

It's been lovely to have you in my life for a while, I'm happy. I'm happy with an ED, it's okay. I have a lovely boyfriend now.
Have a good time, I'm sure I'll be back one day :) xx