Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Moving away :(

J is moving away, for good this time. We are going to try and stay together, but whether it will work or not, I don't know. I need to stay strong right now. xx

Feeling Guilty

Hello, I'm feeling really guilty right now about lying to my boyfriend :( I don't want to stop blogging and doing all of my eating disordered habits, but I don't want to lose him either. It worries me a lot. He was very supportive, but I think he wants me to get better and I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe in a few years time, but not now. I can't imagine every going into recovery actually.

Anyway, I'm still quite ill, but feeling better and I'm back at school. I'm seeing J in an hour, and I can't wait :) I do love him, but this has taken up so much of my life and I can't stop now. Maybe if I can just taste thinness, I'll get betterer after that...

Ahh :( I can see this isn't going to work. If I loved him enough I'd give up this craziness. But If I loved being thin enough I'd give up him.

I can't do either :(

Well, we'll just see how it goes. Love you guys xxx

Tuesday, 30 March 2010


Oh wow! I love my new template. I know that's bigheaded but its half two in the morning, I'm exhausted, and I just spent all night trying to find one I like. How in the world am I going to get up in the morning now?

Ahh, nevermind :) At least I've done something productive!

Hello Everyone,

Slight explanation, I've sent you all an email saying why the heck I've deleted my old blog and made a new one, but basically I gave my boyfriend the blog address and then freaked out and deleted it. He know now the extent of my madness, but anyway, follow this one instead, and I'm sorry for the hassle!

Today ended up being awful, and I feel terrible. I'm still ill, although I'm going to school tomorrow, and I ate so much, seeing as I didn't want my boyfriend to think I was TOO bad. Anyhow, sorry again for the craziness, but please keep following :) It's nice to have someone to talk to!

Lil xx