I am sick sick sick of being so confused.

I hate food. It repulses me. It makes me angry and upset and queasy.

Food and me do not get on. So why do I keep shovelling it down?

This must stop. I am scared of eating until I look at it. It is like conquering a fear, until afterwards, when I realize what I have done.

Can mindful eating be used backwards? To make me stop?

And topamax. I am thinking of getting some prescribed. I can say I have migraines often, and perhaps I will be given some. Yum yum. Does it really work? xx