Pros and Cons

...of J.

Cons:

1. He tells me I'm worthless

2. He never turns up when he says he will

3. He doesn't listen to how I feel

4. He makes me so angry I can't function

5. He makes me cry almost every day

6. He owes people money.

7. He owes ME money.

8. He isn't in college, or working.

9. He's moving to London

10. He gets angry when I cry. .

11. He complains about walking me home.

Pros:

1. He tells me I'm beautiful

2. He takes me out to amazing places.

3. We have long intellectual conversations

4. He knows so much about so much.

5. He can set up a life for us in London

6. He does the sweetest things sometimes.

7. He's shown me so much.

8. He shows me his vulnerable side sometimes

9. We're still together after 9 months of being told we wouldn't work out.

10. We're still together after each of us cheating on the other.

11. We truly love each other.

So what's more important? The pros or the cons? Because there are the same amount of each. For every bad thing there's a good one. But which count for more. Because making me feel worthless is pretty bad. But having those amazing conversations make me feel the opposite....

I don't know who I am. I don't know who he is. I don't know anything for certain. I said I would fight for him forever, but I never considered that would mean I was fighting him.

I am so lost. I've forgotten why we loved in the first place. But I am still hanging on.

EDIT: I thought of another pro:

12: He's my best friend in the whole world.

That's the one that holds us together. That's the one that makes the scales uneven.