It hit me..

It just hit me, I'm never going to live on my own if I stay with J. I'll never be able to live in a house with no food, and be able to stop eating whenever I want. I'll never have that freedom. It scares me, but I know I'll get by. So long as I'm alive, he doesn't mind. Maybe that's a bad thing, maybe it means he doesn't understand, that he doesn't love me enough. Maybe he knows I'd choose this over him.

Maybe I would?