Just do it, Lillie 16:12

Eat less.

Walk more.

Be strong.

Eat less.

Life's Good. 07:52

Life IS good. I've finished school, and only have two days of exams left. I never have to sit through five lessons a day, doing things I don't really want to be doing. I get to choose where I go from here. I have a great family, an amazing boyfriend and wonderful friends. It's Summer and it's warm and sunny. I've got a great [fake] tan (st. moriz, I reallllly recommend it!!) and things are just really going well. All I need now is to get thinner, and I'll be fine.

I got tired of fet, but it was good whilst it lasted. My main problem with it was that once I stopped taking it, the come down was so bad and I felt like I had to eat to make it go away. Thankfully I didn't have too much :)

I'm cutting out my food groups again. I'll make a great new plan and post it up here, and get back in the gym. Money's tight right now, but I'll manage somehow. I feel good, not so much about myself but about what's happening around me. I'm so excited to grow up a little bit and have that little bit more freedom. J is getting off drugs bit by bit, and is getting a flat by the end of the month, pretty much guaranteed. I suppose you could say that most of my worries about him are finally getting sorted, and it's making me so much happier.

So all that's left is to get thinner. I'm 111 pounds, and I'm going to get to 100 before college, hopefully less. In fact, I want to be 105 at least before I go to Corfu in August, just so I can look a little bit acceptable on the beach.

I was wondering, does anyone else have an exceptionally large ribcage? It's one thing that really pisses me off about my body. I can feel that there's still a layer of fat over it, but even when that's gone, it'll be huge. Genetics. Honestly, I hate my family genes sometimes.

Also, how's everyone feeling about the arrival of summer? I know it doesn't 'officially' start until June 21st, but come on, all this hot weather means it's here. I hope for a hot few months!!!

Much love, and really good feelings right now!!

Lily xxx

Thanks :) 14:53

Thanks for your concerns, and again, I'm being really careful. It was sort of a strange feeling and I really liked it. I could feel all my skin and knew what all my insides were doing and it was really something. I had fun :)

It's like being in a secret sect now. I felt really left out, with J doing it and everything, now I have and it's different. Like I've seen something a lot of people haven't. It's quite exciting.

I'm writing a book on this new life I've seen over the past 9 months or so. It's called 'The Other Side' and it's about the lower classes, and their lifestyles. How hard it is for them. It's really interesting to watch those dynamics. I don't know how many of you have seen those same things, but I've seen full on, really chavvy fights, I've almost stood on needles, I've met very hardcore dealers, people who've been in jail for pretty bad things...i watched someone shoot up heroin for the first time today. It's so different to my life with my parents. It's like being dared to try things. The thing is, I like it. It's all new and I'm inquisitive. I'm enjoying myself.

Done 10:23

Okay, first time. It's strange. I feel far away and very present at the same time. I'm definitely not hungry, and that was my aim, right? I like it actually, it's different. I feel a bit relaxed and spaced out, not like I thought I would. It's nice. J said it wasn't the best stuff but that it was good for my first time. I'm proud that I've tried something new, and I'm going to do it for a bit longer. I feel that little bit more experienced. Supposedly I've already tried it, in ecstasy tablets. Well, I'm doing it again tomorrow, wish me luck.

Not eaten at all by the way xx

This may alarm you, 16:19

Right, I'm going to be careful about this. J has recently been taking some fet. I know this is going to sound like a bad idea, but I'm going to try a little bit, and see how it makes me feel. Everyone knows it suppresses your appetite, and I really can't take much more of looking and feeling like this. I'm just trying it, and it's not addictive. If I like it, I'm going to kick start a fast by taking a little bit per day, and seeing how it goes. DO NOT WORRY. I'm definitely not going to get dependant on it. I'm doing this purely because of how fat I feel and how depressed I'm getting about it. Once I've lost a few pounds, I'll come right back off it and fast again. I just need to show my body that it doesn't need food again. I know how bad an idea it sounds, but I promise it'll be okay. I know exactly what I'm doing and while he's shooting it, I'm just swallowing it. I promise to be careful and I'll let you know how it goes.

NOTE: I AM NOT PROMOTING THE USAGE OF AMPHETAMINES TO LOSE WEIGHT. THEY ARE DANGEROUS DRUGS AND PLEASE DON'T TAKE THEM SIMPLY BECAUSE I AM. YOU CAN BECOME PSYCHOLOGICALLY DEPENDANT ON THE FEELINGS THEY CREATE AND CAN BE DIFFICULT TO STOP USING. AMPHETAMINES ARE A CLASS B DRUG IN THE UK AND ONCE PREPARED FOR INJECTION THEY BECOME CLASS A. DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS AS IT IS VERY DANGEROUS AND SHOULD BE USED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

I'm going crazy 21:27

I need to be thin. With or without extra help. If that's what it takes, that's what it takes. I will be thin.

Hello Again 02:47

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. It's been a bit stressful with exams and stuff :) I'm taking my GCSEs at the moment so I haven't got all that much time on my hands.

Okay, that was a lie. I do. I'm just doing really badly. I'm going to get back on track with dieting but I've decided I'm not going to slip back into to bad habits, therefore I'm eating at least SOMETHING everyday. Until I realise that won't work :P

Me and J are still together :) It's been 11 months and 5 days now, so we're really looking forward to our year mark! We've just had a bit of a tiff because he did the thing where he disappears for days at a time without calling, but I still love him so now we're all happy.

I'll post later with some foody things. I'm going to try to post often again now mateys!