i'm dying to feel something...

Hello. My name is Lily.
I don't know who I really am.
Hope that's okay.

I don't know whats wrong at the moment, I get this every time each year, where I feel wrong and weird...
I feel fat. I want to lose weight and can't. And at 7 stone something, I'm thinner than most, my bmi is 20 at the most these days, normally around 19.1 or so...but I hate it. I want to be thinner. I want to be less than 100lbs, I want my bmi to be 16. I want to feel proud of myself.

I don't think I'm good at anything, except maybe sex. I don't get guys, I don't get amazing grades, I can't drink a lot, I don't take drugs very often, i don't do anything exciting....I don't achieve anything.

Vinushka, the titles of my posts are just lyrics :P Chemicals do mean drugs, and I'm careful when I do them :P also, I don't know if I want him or the way it was...I can se eus being in a healthy relationship, but I'm just not happy. I was at his tonight and I just didn't feel in love.Sex is just sex. Kissing is just kissing. It doesn't mean EVERYTHING to me, the way it does to him...I feel lost.

I've been throwing up a lot lately. Making myself, that it. I'm tired.

Oh God, make me okay. I want to be the quirky kind of normal. The kind of person people aspire to be.