Hello, I'm feeling really guilty right now about lying to my boyfriend :( I don't want to stop blogging and doing all of my eating disordered habits, but I don't want to lose him either. It worries me a lot. He was very supportive, but I think he wants me to get better and I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe in a few years time, but not now. I can't imagine every going into recovery actually.
Anyway, I'm still quite ill, but feeling better and I'm back at school. I'm seeing J in an hour, and I can't wait :) I do love him, but this has taken up so much of my life and I can't stop now. Maybe if I can just taste thinness, I'll get betterer after that...
Ahh :( I can see this isn't going to work. If I loved him enough I'd give up this craziness. But If I loved being thin enough I'd give up him.
I can't do either :(
Well, we'll just see how it goes. Love you guys xxx
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3 comments:
Hey there, I just came across your blog through Sairs' and I wanted to let you know that you shouldn't feel guilty. This is not your fault and the fact that you aren't changing doesn't mean that you don't love your boyfriend. Take care of yourself.
Hey hun, try not to feel guilty. This is huge thing and only you can decide when the time is right for you wanting to go into recovery. Your boyfriend probably just worries about you. Be gentle with yourself okay!
*hugs*
Sarah
Thank guys :) you're very sweet. I'm feeling a bit better but I just had some bad news from him and I feel a bit sick lol. At least this means I can carry on in peace. I'll post about it in an hour or so, once my head is sorted xx
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