He says. 16:05

He says he loves me.

He says we should talk about everything.

He says I don't try hard enough.

He says he does all the work.

He says he doesn't care anymore.

He says he can't be bothered.

He says he wants out.

He says this all the time. He's never meant it.

It just hurts.

Rewards? 11:19

Okay, I'm feeling a bit more like myself, and I have a bit more time. I hate to admit it but recently I've eben playing a game called Black and White a lot....you get to be a God and go round making villages and stuff.

It's very nerdy, but also very old (like...2001 or something) and I love it so stfu :P

Anyway, Easter is a hard time for many of us and I am no exception. I feel as fat as I've ever been, and terrified that I've gained weight. I'm currently refusing to step on the scales but I might just pluck up the courage...

Also, I have a lump in my neck... Its only very small, but it hurts when I touch it and its quite soft. I think its just a swollen gland from my cold :(

J hasn't gone yet, he thinks it'll probably be sometime next week or maybe even the week after...I'd like it to be as late as possible... I'm gonna miss him so much.

I got another threat from the people who are after him today, but nothing happened s a result of it...again.

I hate people that say they are gonna do something and then don't, but tbh I'm glad that they haven't done anything lol.

I highly doubt they will :)

Anyhow, I love you guys, I'm gonna try and keep on top of commenting and all that jazz!

Much love xxx

EDIT: Oh wow, I forgot to put what the post was actually about. I'm thinking of getting an abs toner machine thingy as a reward when I get to 100. Has anyone got one, and if so, is it any good? xxx

I am sick sick sick of being so confused.

I hate food. It repulses me. It makes me angry and upset and queasy.

Food and me do not get on. So why do I keep shovelling it down?

This must stop. I am scared of eating until I look at it. It is like conquering a fear, until afterwards, when I realize what I have done.

Can mindful eating be used backwards? To make me stop?

And topamax. I am thinking of getting some prescribed. I can say I have migraines often, and perhaps I will be given some. Yum yum. Does it really work? xx

There are two types of people in this world... 13:49

The crazy

And the not crazy.

I'm still trying to find out which I fit into. I'm going to do a fast. A cleanse. A diet.

Anything to make this pain of being abandoned go away.

He shouldn't be leaving me.

Still Here.. 13:26

I'm still here, I'm hovering. I've been reading your blogs but not posting my own.

My head feels empty

My stomach feels full

And my mind is floating.

I need some sleep.

Good Day, mostly :) 16:15

I have had a good day. I stayed under my cal goal, I had a lovely day with my boyfriend..the only bad thing was my cold :)

It was nice and sunny, although there was a chilly wind which made our picnic speed up slightly :P

I keep sneezing :( But I've been feeling so ill that I haven't eaten that much, so I'm pleased!

It's far to late to be up now, so I'm going to sleep very very soon :)

Hope everyone's okay xxx

Easter Holidays!! 02:20

Well, here in the UK, it's the first day of my Easter Holidays! Two Weeks and Two Days long. I am very excited, and I got a lie in today :)

Unfortunately, I can feel hunger pangs. Fortunately, I like them :)

I am going to eat today, but no more than 500 cals :)

I'm treating myself!

I'm going to see J soon (I just hopped out of the shower and I'm in no fit state to walk the streets!) and hopefully we'll cuddle and kiss and talk about things that aren't him going away.

There's a new surge of hope in me today. We can stay together. I can be strong. And I will be thin :)

Love you all!! xxx

Ps. About that chicken noodle soup? I'm a vegetarian, are there other kinds that are low calorie in the shop? xxx